¡VIVA RIVAS!

Welcome, my Jemelos de Minnesota amigos (MN Twins friends). First, undying thanks and admiration to bat-girl.com, which uncovered a couple of Johan Santana YouTube video gems. Reading through the comments, I noticed a few people requesting English translations.

You're in luck! I present to you a translation of both videos plus a press release on Minnesota's newest favorite drink, Malta Regional:

MALTA REGIONAL

(CUE AWESOMELY CAMPY SINGER)
Malta Regional….with Johan Santana, the pride of Venezuela!

(song begins)
Johan Santana returns to Tovar and he reacquaints himself with his homeland and the flavor --- OF MALTA REGIONAL!

(speaking)
This was his first coach! (show two guys in baseball uniforms, one sitting on a scooter)

Double Cy Young! He’s the best pitcher of the highest quality!

(This part is a little trickier…it uses some colloquialisms I’m not familiar with. But with context clues, this is what I came up with)

He’s a simple man, Johan….something about him being humble.
He’s the symbol of Venezuela, he’s the face of the country. Santana. MALTA REGIONAL!…is always with him, and in the streets of his town Johan returns home!

(Johan supposedly talking, but it’s really the singer dubbed over a picture of Johan talking to his "first" coaches):
If you believe in something and you give it your all, you can do it!

(Old-sounding lady with the crazy clown hair): No wonder he has such a strong arm!

MALTA REGIONAL – Vida y mas na’, vida y mas na’!

"THE SPEECH"

(text)
Johan spoke on Jan. 16, 2007 at a Venezuelan congressional ceremony honoring him for his 2nd Cy Young. This is an English translation of what he said.

(Johan speaks)
Of all my experiences, the best thing I’ve had happen to me professionally was winning two Cy Youngs; to give joy to the entire country, and fill people with pride. I think…(applause)…I think, if not one of the best, it’s the best experience I’ve had as a professional baseball player.

I don’t want that to stop – I want it to continue to grow. I want you to continue supporting it. I want you to find a way to support all of sports, in general, because just as you support and celebrate what I do and what my teammates and colleagues do in the Major Leagues, imagine if you had the chance to enjoy not just baseball, but sports in general. Because sports for me is a universal language. Sports crosses frontiers. Sports is bigger than anything going on this country…I think it represents us all.

It also gives me pride to be a role model for some, if not all, of our youth. It’s fulfilling and gives me motivation to keep working hard. Being a role model is something that fulfills me as a Venezuelan, as a person, and a human being.

MALTA REGIONAL PRESS RELEASE

My translation of a Malta Regional press release. It’s a little tough to translate because of a lack of punctuation, but here’s what I came up with:

With Johan Santana’s participation, Malta Regional debuts its advertising campaign of flavor and live. The publicity effort is part of a January 2007 launch strategy for the new product, and is designed to reach out to established consumer loyalty.

The regional advertising spots hope to align the brand with Venezuelan family values through a unique style, which seeks to reflect the Venezuelan lifestyle. With the slogan “vida y mas na,” the commercials recreate moments associated with the consumption of the malt beverage, accompanied by a contagious and urban hip-hop-style rhythm.
The advertising campaign of Malta Regional will continue through all of 2007, through radio, movie, television and print mediums. The advertisements develop situations where the Venezuelan consumer enjoys the taste of a malt beverage. The strategy will also include Johan Santana as spokesman for the brand.
“We have designed a package of realistic and simple ad spots that demonstrate the lifestyle of the Venezuelan, who always has time to spend time and have fun with his friends,” said Roger Contreras, V.P. of image and corporate relations of regional brewery.

Apparently, it's all over between Joe and Ms. USA 2005, Chelsea Cooley. Ladies, go easy on him. I don't want any injuries before spring training even starts.

Q: Oh, one last thing. You still dating Miss USA?

A: No, that's over. That ended in, I think, November. I'm single. I'm young.

You know, it struck me just now that the obvious follow-up question is, 'who is Justin Morneau dating'? And you know what? Joe's so cool, that I bet he wouldn't even care if Ms. Cooley had moseyed on over to the "other" M.

An alarming bit of news from the Strib's Twins notes:

• Morneau and Mauer attended the Justin Timberlake concert at Xcel Energy Center. Mauer, impressed that Timberlake plays multiple instruments, gave the performance a thumbs up.

GULP. Ok...where do I even start? How about I just skip the part where I point out that Justin Timberlake sings like a girl, and has his dick in a box:

So I guess being an amazing baseball player doesn't mean you have amazing taste in music. That's cool. As long as you keep eating Jimmy John's and reprise your MVP- and batting title-winning seasons this year, I'll look past this isolated, albeit tragic, lapse in judgement. But try this again and I SWEAR I'll come and personally take batting practice with your MP3 player...Matthew Lecroy-style. Trust me, you don't want that.

Chicago Tribune columinst Phil Rogers says Terry Ryan is the best GM in baseball. Other than his saying the Twins stadium is set to open in 2009 (even the original 2010 date is in question), a nice little ego boost to an ego-free man.

It's somewhat surprising that the Twins released 23-year-old prospect Alex Romero to make room for Ramon Ortiz. As the Strib article mentions, he was once considered a top prospect before struggling mightily in AAA last year. The Arizona Star reports the Diamondbacks view him as a potential fourth outfielder, much like Jeff DaVanon, a name fantasy geeks should recognize.

As a Twins fan, nothing has made me smile this off-season quite like when I read that Matthew LeCroy would be returning to the Twins on a minor league contract. I was remiss not to make a huge deal of it earlier. I mean, c'mon, his likability is off the charts; he makes T.C. the Bear look like the boogie monster. To celebrate, I thought we'd take a quick refresher course in gout, a disease which LeCroy unfortunately has to deal with. Apparently when it flares up it feels like a tiny little purple monster is gnawing on your swollen big toe.

So next time he's running out a grounder, please don't remind him he's gone 1,368 plate appearances without a stolen base. It's kind of like making fun of someone's appearance on American Idol even though they compete in the Special Olympics. It's just wrong.

However, do feel free to remind him of this incident:

Washington Post: His Washington Nationals had just beaten the Houston Astros 8-5, had just won three games in a row for just the second time all year. Yet here was Frank Robinson, 70 years old, half a century in the game, with tears welling in the corners of his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. His right hand obscured part of his face. He all but chewed on his pinkie. As he pushed each phrase through his lips, he sighed deeply, all because he asked a grown man to perform a task he is ill equipped to perform.

Matthew LeCroy started at catcher for the Nationals yesterday afternoon at RFK Stadium. But once the Astros realized LeCroy not only hadn't thrown out a base runner all year, but had little chance of reversing the trend against them, they began running -- and they didn't stop. Seven steals and two throwing errors from LeCroy into this affair -- with the Nationals in danger of blowing a six-run lead -- Robinson made the only move he thought he could make. He pulled LeCroy off the field in the top of the seventh, replacing him in mid-inning in front of an announced crowd of 24,733 with Robert Fick, a man who hadn't caught a major league pitch all season.

**BREAKING NEWS**
This just in (thanks to loyal reader and ultimate Rivas fan, Ringo, for the hot tip): Savvy Indians GM Mark Shapiro makes another underrated move that is bound to pay dividends down the road. That's right, Luis Rivas has signed a minor league contract with the hated Cleveland Indians. He will be competing for the utility IF roster spot. Barfield WHO?

VIVA RIVAS!

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer:

On other fronts, Shapiro believes the Indians are still in the running for injured left-hander Mark Mulder and said newly signed Luis Rivas and Keith Ginter have a chance to make the club as utility infielders. They were invited to spring training on minor-league deals...
Rivas and Ginter will compete with Joe Inglett, Hector Luna and others for the utility infielder's job. Neither one of them answers the need for a defensive-oriented backup for shortstop Jhonny Peralta...
Rivas, the Twins former second baseman, hit .218 for Class AAA Durham last season after missing the first two months with a knuckle injury on his right hand.