¡VIVA RIVAS!

In honor of Alfonso Soriano signing an 8-year, $136 million contract with the Cubbies, I present to you a new feature called: "The only thing more obscene than Soriano's contract."

So, without further ado, the only thing more obscene than Alfonso Soriano's new contract is...Rod Stewart in a tankini, circa 1970s:

I just threw up a little in my mouth. Ok, ok, it was a full heave into the toilet.

(Photo from EW blog)

P.S. Happy Birthday, Johan! You won the Cy Young!

A few White Sox farm hands, including their hot-shot 3B Josh Fields, quit winter ball because their team fired the new White Sox third-base coach. I just can't see that happening with the Twins. Maybe if Al Newman were still manning the 3B line, but Scott Ulger? In all seriousness, you just don't see this kind of thing from Terry Ryan's organization.

Less than 48 hours after new Sox third-base coach Razor Shines was fired as LaGuaira's manager last week, prospects Josh Fields, Ryan Sweeney, Sean Tracey and Heath Phillips returned to the United States.

Ozzie is saying this is going to seriously affect Fields' chances of making the team. Can you imagine if Matt Moses would have done this?

On an unrelated note, a guy named 'Dan' e-mailed me and said to check out a list of the Twin top 10 prospects, as ranked by J.P Schwartz at topprospectalert.com. One name jumped out at me from the list -- #5. Yohan Pino (23) Pitcher -- because I don't remember reading his name. Anyone know something about him? He was ranked above bigger names like Glen Perkins, Alexi Casilla and Denard Spahn.

He put up outstanding numbers last year at Beloit, but he's going to be 23 next season and is EXTREMELY skinny: 6'3", 158 pounds. Seriously, is that right?

UPDATE: Whew. The Beloit Snappers page says he's bulked up to 170 pounds. Still rail-thin, but I can cancel that order for 2 pizzas and a bucket of KFC to his home.

Laying in bed one night, a random thought came to my mind. If the Twins were a football team, what position would each player be the best at? Here's what I came up with:

QB: Joe Mauer. Duh.
WR: Catillo, Punto, Bartlett. Having a 3 WR system would make the most sense since all these guys are fast and have good hands.
TE: Redmond. He just looks like a TE, plus he can catch.
RB: Casilla. He's fast and can catch.
OL: Nathan, Rincon, Crain, Neshek, Gurrier. The OL needs to play as a unit, like the bullpen. I know it's a reach, but I ran out of fat guys.

NT: Boof Bonser. Again, not enough fat guys so, 3-4 defense.
DE: Silva, Reyes. These should be obvious.
OLB: Kubel, White.
MLB: Morneau, Nevin. They're all big guys who like to hit.
FS: Torii. It's the center field position of football, plus he likes to run over people.
SS: Cuddyer. He also seems like he wants to run over people.
CB: Tyner, Lew. They're fast and can cover a lot of ground.

Kicker: Johan
Punter: Liriano
Holder: Luis Rodriguez
Johan and Liriano are the kickers so they don't get hurt cause they're too valuable. Johan gets the field goals because he's clutch. L-Rod gets the token holder role.